No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
