This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
