help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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