Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
