Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
