Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
