hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
