I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
