I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
