That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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