i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
