No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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