i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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