my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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