just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
