Nicole vs. Life
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
