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I want to make a zoo with you.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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