I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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