And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
