I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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