just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
