my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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