Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
