be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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