when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
