What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
