so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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