1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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