If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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