I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
