Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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