walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
