swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
