hotel room ftw
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
