I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
