We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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