I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
