I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
