I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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