i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
