If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
