i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
where are my eyebrows?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
