Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
