I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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