they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
