It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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