I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
