her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
