Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I understand Curling. That high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
