i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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